And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
