Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
