You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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