there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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