Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
