I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
