There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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