No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
