Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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