im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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