did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
