so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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