Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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