so that wasnt chicken after all
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
