dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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