I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
