the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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