I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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