he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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