her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm too high and old for this...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
