i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
