the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
