The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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