The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
