i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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