Just fell off a train. Bad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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