spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
