Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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