This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize