Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
