my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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