so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
