You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
