Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
