I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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