i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
