No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
