so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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