I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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