She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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