I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
