she was so not down for the gang bang
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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