Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
