There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm at about main and main street
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
