Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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