On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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