Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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