a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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