All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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