yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
