He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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