i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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