I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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