Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
