a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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