HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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