Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
only you would photoshop your dick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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