I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
