Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
