You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
