How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize