he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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