So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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