State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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