Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
