seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize