it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
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so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.