I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he shaved USA in his pubs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.