you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?