That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.