it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover