i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later