I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
look no pants
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.