I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
