so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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