We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
