I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
