So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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