About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
