We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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