I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
