Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
