I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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