That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
