but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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