How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
